Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.

Current Mood: tired

This is more of a personal list of things not to forget I want as I know I will if it isn't written someplace:

lasgo
love me still by K (cant remember the rest)

I know this list will grow but it's a start. I don't know how but I broke my limewire so will have to work out someplace else to get my music from.

So far I think I am on about song 5,000! My friend has the biggest (and most varied) music collection I know of and I stupidly said I would see how long it took to make a copy of them all on itunes for his ipod I got him for christmas. The great thing is...me and him are on the same network so I get to have full access to all his music! I am so completely in love with music at the moment. There are songs that just bring you up when you're down. I had some proper classics on the morning so loud that the floor was shaking. My taste in music is strange. Take last night for instance...driving around (for no reason other than an excuse to put the music up and chill out with some friends) listening to more dance type music where as when it's just me I love the proper old ones from when I was growing up. I am going to load the file with the list of all the artists and albums onto here once I have finished and if anyone wants something they are welcome.

For some reason I started in the middle so have done L - P. Although...I have been jumping around the alphabet a little to make sure I definatly have the CD's I really want before I leave on Monday. E.g. Razorlight. I really want the new song by Gwen Stefani but will never get around to downloading it. Oh oh and a woman said I can borrow an awesome CD that we listened to the other day but I can't for the life of me remember who it was by.

All in all...a new found love for music!

Just a few points:

1. I HATE living out of a bag
2. Men are pricks and women are well...not quite sorted out my thoughts on them yet. All the ones I know are bitches but I'm hoping someone will surprise me.

Going to ignore the problem of last night by going for a romantic (lol hope her girlfriend doesn't find out) picnic on the beach. The guy is nice but still a GUY. Will stick with women. With men I fall for the personality (even though in my opinion, which isn't reliable he is sexy) but with women it's more than that, a physical thing. I'm not questioning my sexuality again am I?

I feel so trapped, so stuck. I had a great evening with someone who I care about but why is there this feeling of guilt? Is it because these feelings are for a man? I don't think I could deal with coming out again. I'm not even saying I'm not gay anymore but just have caring feelings about a man who is interested in me and I wouldn't be completely against seeing where it goes. Problem is I know women are SEXY and that maybe I only think this way because of either the large amount of alcohol in my blood or because I'm not getting that affection elsewhere.

This is the first time in months I can remember my dream. It's only just coming back to me and by the time I have wrote this it will all have gone again I'm sure. Started off in a bar having a few drinks playing those slot machines and actually WINNING! The man at the bar said that we are all getting chucked out at 10:15 for some big pool contest. I hung around until the guy running it asked me to leave and as he ignored all my "sweet talking" to convince him to stay I picked a ball of the table of someone who was playing and rolled it into some others messing the the whole lot up.
That caused the guy to chase me but he wasn't fast enough and I got to the forth floor of a random building that I had apparently just moved into. I met the woman who I live next to and instantly thought about how great it would be to kiss her then and then (but held back). We drank for a while before I even walked in the apartment. Here is where it gets strange. I opened the door and all there was was a material walkway you had to balance your way along that was attached to the far wall. You were meant to sleep on it like a hammock. Worst part is you look down and you can see the other floors below as there is no floor, or walls, or anything but a huge lake below us. Like hell am I going to sleep on a 3 foot wide suspended rag 4 floors over a surprisingly clear lake (had a huge sea turtle in it). I cut the material from the wall and stayed outside wondering what to do when the hot neighbor re-appeared feeling very bad and threw up once we reached reception.


At this point the noisy girl who lives next door woke me up!
I never remember my dreams, must have been the comment to make them sweet. Would that come under sweet? The hot girl would I think. She was a red-head which isn't usually my type.

Current Mood: sleepy

Am so bored! Ever feel like just getting a break? Need one now!

Went with a friend to their kids play last night and it got me thinking as her little girl came out dancing in a little snowman costume..I want this. I want to sit holding my partners (ok so I don' have one a the moment but this is all make believe) hand watching our little girl or boy do something...sports or acting etc. Want to kiss my partner as everyone applauds the end both thinking how in love we are and how great everything is. Want a family.

I woke up at 5.30 after 4 hours of sleep. Now I have a song stuck in my hed along the lines of "the drugs don't work, they just make you worse but I..." and it will annoy me as I can't remember who it's by. But yeah...have that in my head because I have been taking pills as I have problems sleeping and they DON'T WORK!!!